my brother has been going through my old journals (secretly), scanning the drawings and saving them in this file labeled 'artist'. i found them accidentally while looking for a music file. this one is circa 2006. its from the:'Ana Leialoha Kauanoe' journal. (my first real girlfriend).
she bought it for my birthday, which was a few weeks into our dating relationship. around the middle of the book, we started trading journals and writing in each others. so the rest of the book are some scattered scribbles from me and the remainder is wonderfully cliche 16 year old girl handwriting.
loopylovelycursive.
from that point on, you can literally watch her slowly decay into selfloathing, bitterness and hopelessness. by way of her words and poems and drawings. its rather impressive/depressive.
...
she broke up with me to go out with her ex boyfriend.
i retaliated by mailing a torn piece of paper with Bright Eyes
lyrics on it.
"so im just the medicine
you take when you're sick
get well and thats it
im put back on the shelf in your mirror
and isnt it exceptional
the course of our fate
so people love and they hate
i guess its our time turn to hate
you were just some song i wrote
a poem on a page
a sculpture i made out of clay
desire was the flame"
needless to say, we didnt stay friends.
...
the latest gossip is that she is getting married.
to the brother of the kid i gave her sisters number to.
oh well.
you strike the iron while its hot if you intend to strike at all.
right?
but, i still think she was beautiful.
a beautiful that tends to come with impossible things.
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